Last week my pastor was asked the question "how do people know that God is good in the midst of difficulty" and he answered "when the body of Christ shows up in the midst of your nightmare." These past four weeks I have been overwhelmed by God's goodness. The tenderness in which I have been cared for and loved has brought tears. And God's glory has reigned.

Now, almost a month later I look back. I can still find tears of frustration and disappointment. I still have unanswered questions that hang ominously, but am learning to delight in moments and keep score on a small scale. A nap on the back deck with dad, followed by a dad-cooked meal of ravioli and sharing stories that ignite passion. Bobbing in the lake, with leg covered in plastic and life jacket behind my head. Reading on the couch in the lawn while we waited for new furniture. Watching my dad slowly process and mom hyperventilate with excitement as they learned my sister was pregnant. Sitting with a dear friend, listening to the waves crash upon Vashon's sandy shores. A bible study with my brother. Being carried over a gigantic log to reach perfect spot for fireworks. Freedom to morn my summer with my sister. Rest.

In this season of answered questions and continual change, Romans 12:12 has become my road map. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and constant in prayer." And so I will rejoice, I will hope, I will practice patience and continue to pray.

I brought my right shoe everywhere I went for the first four days. I was convinced God wanted to display His glory by miraculously healing my ankle. Today, ten days later, I finally threw the shoe to the back of the closet, not in a surrender of hope but a surrender of my plan, for His.

My "ten-day" began with a tenth of second, a mere moment that has replayed over and over in my mind. I heard it break, in a second both my ankle and dreams for the summer cracked, leaving me more than ever aware of my brokenness.

"What the heck, God!" "Are You serious?" "Am I goign to have to wait twenty years hignsight to understand why this happened?" "Lord, I was going to meet You on the moutain tops." I would flip through the pages of my bible, not knowing where to begin. Job offered me company in my questions. Although i found space to struggle in first thirty chapters, like Job my questions of "why" were left unaswered as God responded with the ultimate one-up "Where were you when I laid the fundation fo the earth?" A come-back that would cause a jr high classroom to erupt in "oooo, you got burned!" And I'll admit, God does make a good point. So, at the end of the day I have I ended up just where Job did, throwing in my right shoe and surrendering to God's plan.

morning stars

The clock glared 3:30, I'd already woken once and mind began thinking through the days activities. I laid there for an hour fighting myself, trying to join the rest of the city in peaceful rest. Finally at 4:30, I surrendered. I crawled out of bed, put on my running clothes, borrowing a reflector vest, headlamp, ipod and headed into the dark hours just before morning. I ended up jogging to my church parking lot and lunging across the empty parking spaces, trying to get my legs ready for a summer of climbing mountains. I stopped to put my feet up on the curb for crunches. Minutes later I lay on my back, sweat dripping, arms and legs spread wide ready to make a concrete snow angel. I looked up into the sky, it was cloudless. Starlight landed on my face and each constellation stood boldly against blanket of black. I lay there absorbed in the beauty and peace of the moment. As music softly sang in each ear, I worshiped, arms spread wide with heart and soul surrendered.
As I ran home, joy bubbled from the depths. After a quick shower, I headed to Rembrandt Coffee Shop to meet three good friends and our lovely leader for 7am bible study. As the girls sipped their coffee and rubbed sleep from their eyes, I smiled to myself thinking about my already-full morning, feeling lucky to have already had an encounter with our Lord.

Stream of Living Water

Ever wondered why God hasn’t felt like enough?

Picture a big box.

Inside that big box are dozens of little boxes all floating around.

The top and bottom of each little box is a trap door, locked shut.

Now imagine filling the big box with water.

As the water begins to fill the big box, it is unable to penetrate the locked little boxes.

No matter how much water you pour into your big box, there will still be empty spaces.

Take a moment and dwell on what you've pictured.

Our souls have boxes within them, boxes we’ve closed off. Pieces of our lives that we associate with pain, shame or fear we have locked shut and attempted to hid away. As we let the Lord into our lives, He is only able to fill us as completely as we allow. As long as we have locked boxes, there will always be empty spaces and He will never feel like enough.

Don’t allow shame, fear and guilt to take up our souls. For our Lord “pursues us past all our talent and hard work into the secret places of our hearts where sin and inadequacy and brokenness hide, and he rejoices to claim us there as his own.”As we share our little boxes, speaking words, telling secrets, struggles and sins, the bottoms and tops of the boxes are removed. The Lord is now able to flow freely through them. He is able to fill us more completely.

John 7:37 “Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’”

Streams of living water no longer dammed but flow freely though our souls, bringing cleansing, refreshing water that brings full life. “I have come that they may have life and have it to the fullest.”John 10:10

Allow the locks to be broken and streams of living water to flow through you. For we have been forgiven.

Spring Break, fifty-four college students, four leaders, six Dominican villages...
God was everywhere.

Glimpses.

Sunrises rose with delight upon all powerful seas and as i watched waves bow in His glory, I was called to do the same. Each morning I would rise and watch the sun begin a new day. My time spent with the Lord was sometimes rich, sometimes simple, sometimes joyful and sometimes a discipline, but it was always good. Although I would wake up exhausted my time with the Lord gave me so much more life than the sleep I had sacrificed. I caught a glimpse of the life that comes from the Lord, not of the flesh.

The man two pews up smiled toothlessly, his few remaining hairs stuck out bold and gray from his faded baseball cap. He twirled and sang, as he held his bible bouncing above his head. His enthusiasm invited us to join his congregation’s celebration of the Lord. That morning in church we caught a glimpse of the larger body of Christ that surpasses language and culture and unity brought through our shared love of the Lord.

Wind blew the smells of sugar cane and salt water the sixteen of us piled into the back of a
brick-red pickup cruised the Domincan highways. Driving beneath the cloudless sky, we passed toweringmountains and white sandy beaches, separated by fertile fields and palm trees. As we drove to our village each day we caught a glimpse of the beauty and diversity of the Lord’s creation.

Each morning silently we would sit, three-to-a-seat, isles full, smells, smiles, exhaustion, excitement as we prayed during our morning bus ride. Our prayers were heard. The afternoons following the mornings of prayer gave us a glimpse of its power to change our hearts, build community between God and each other. We caught a glimpse of how prayers truly had the power to heal, conquer darkness and allow us to serve with joy.

Raw. Tears flowed, bandages removed and wounds exposed. As we shared our struggles and exposed the binding darkness within each of our lives, we found freedom in our vulnerability and encouragement in prayer for each other. We caught a glimpse of just how broken we all were, just how much we needed each other and needed our Savior. We caught a glimpse of the power/freedom from sharing struggles and what it might mean to live in authentic, intentional, and loving Christ-centered community.

Laughter lived. As friendships formed from the common desire to know the Lord, there was a purity about the relationships. A freedom to be ourselves, be goofy, live out in the brightness of each unique personality. Laughter was everywhere, joy, purity, peace. We had fun and lots of it. We caught a glimpse of the joy that comes from the relationships rooted in the Lord, for our Lord delights in laughter, He delights in our delight of each other and our delight in His creation. And where He reigns, there is life.

As Lucia’s wrinkled hands rubbed mine in the old wooden pews, her smiling eyes reached into my heart and declared me worthy of the love of a stranger. Her love was too great to come from man, but only a glimpse of the bold and boundless love of the Lord. Reaching for her finger she removed her wooden ring and offered it to me, leaving her hands naked, empty and fully surrendered. Her generosity overwhelmed me. I wanted to reject the gift as it reminded me of my own greed and I felt undeserving. I took it remembering the Lord declares me worthy of blessings and grace. I took it to remember to love and live generously all the days of my life.

The villages presented an endless amount of work to be done and relationships to deepen. Our week in the Dominican quickly realized would hardly dent the potential to be done. Instead of dwelling the enormity of need we quickly had to surrender to the idea of a Sabbath. Our lives our full of to-do lists that continue to grow before we ever reach the end. Sabbath teaches us to rest, listen to God, take time to enjoy life, process life and learn from the Lord in the midst of our to-do lists. Each day our Sabbath was a 2 hour lunch Siesta. Together we would enjoy food, rest, conversation, sleep, worship, games, laughter. Our siestas gave us a glimpse of the Sabbath, the need to recognize our goal isn’t to get to the end our to-do list because there is always something more we could do but our goal is to worship the Lord.

Love. “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words” became a forced reality words were not an option. Moments from stepping of the bus, sticky fingers became engulfed within the callused hands of an Americano. As the chocolate eyes looked up into ours, they loved. While singing, dancing, and playing with the kids we caught a glimpse of the heart of the Lord, as we too fell in love with His little children. And as these strangers time and time again invited us into their relentless love, we caught a glimpse of the true gospel of Jesus Christ, caught a glimpse of what it looks like to love deeply, without fear, without judgment and without boundaries.




My Praise to the Lord.
This past week in the Dominican Republic was amazing. Lord, You worked so many incredible ways this week, so many ways in my life, so many ways in students lives. I am so excited for the ways this past week will transform individuals, the House community, and ultimately the world. God, You showed yourself so boldly and subtly to all of us. Lord, I saw such rawness, such depth, such vulnerability, but Lord, that was accompanied by such life and laughter. God, it was good.

Did you know that researchers estimate the average American is exposed to 300-3,000 commercial message a day! 300-3,000 times each day we are told we are not enough, we need to be skinnier, healthier, faster, smarter, richer, wiser, calmer, happier. Have more energy, more clothes, more cars, more food, more stuff, bigger house, better marriage. We are told 300-3,000 times a day we neither have enough nor are enough.

That is a lie.

We are enough. The Lord says so.

The Lord says we are…

Blessed

Chosen

A disciple

Clean

Friend of God

Peaceful

Joyous

Appointed

Fruitful

Not alone

Not The worlds

Someone the Lord remains in

On my way home

The Lords

Beloved

Someone the Lord chooses to form and takes time to shape

Alive

Sanctified by truth

In union with Jesus

Fought for

Precious

Honored

Called His bride

Someone who enthralls the Lord with my beauty

Redeemed

No longer a slave

Rescued

Called

Pardoned

Called God’s darling

Thirst-quenched

Offered abundance

Saved

Waiting

Free

Known

A reflection of Christ

Someone God chooses to use

Enjoyed

Healed

Celebrated

Worth pursuing

Loved

What would happen if we read this list 300-3000 times each day? Would we begin to believe it?

my broken places

I haven’t written in months, yet I can hardly contain the passion that has filled me. I have been redeemed. And just beginning to understand what that really means. I have been in the process of telling my secrets for the past two years. Slowly I have continued to share the dark corners of my life. With each exposure, the Lord’s presence is undeniable. Each time I share the problem, insecurity or place of shame, it shrinks. As healing takes place I can begin to point out my imperfections with pride, for my old wounds are now evidence of the Lord’s touch. Each scar becomes a memory of where the Lord reached down and transformed my life.

I have seen the work of a Redeemer as the Lord heals my broken places, but He hasn’t stopped there. He has begun something even more incredible. He has begun to use those places that used to fill me with shame to heal others! Pulling me out of dark places and using the parts of myself I hate the most to help bring others out of their own darkness. Allowing me to share in others joy as they too are redeemed.